Superbowl Nachos


So I know this is a baking blog, but I’m in charge so go f yourself if you have a problem.  Plus I put these in the oven so technically they were ‘baked’.

This is what I had for dinner while watching the Superbowl and subsequently vomitted up after seeing Madonna’s plastic surgery nightmare face at the halftime show.   They’re delicious and I have chronic and debilitating cravings for these nachos and they’re super easy to make.  The measurements aren’t going to be exact because I just throw it all together, so if you’re a Type A neurotic asshole about recipes you might want to move on.


tortilla chips – I used about half a bag

3 1/2 cups shredded cheddar cheese

1/4 cup plus 2 tbsp bbq sauce

1 chicken breast, cooked and shredded

1/2 cup french fried onions

1/2 medium red onion, diced

1 cup shredded lettuce


Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Combine the shredded chicken breast with 2 tbsp bbq sauce and set aside.  Place some of the tortilla chips on a baking sheet.  I don’t know how to describe the method but just dont toss them on in a pile, make like a 1-chip thick layer. Layer the red onion, french fried onions, and bbq chicken over the tortilla chips and sprinkle with cheese.  Drip some bbq sauce randomly over the cheese.  Layer on additional tortilla chips, onions, french onions, and chicken.  Cover with remaining cheese and sprinkle with more bbq sauce.  I said 1/4 cup but use as much as you want, it’ll be your fault if your nachos are soggy.  Bake for 10 minutes.  When they’re done sprinkle with lettuce and serve warm.  Seriously, they’re so effing good.


PS.  Who cares about this Superbowl right now, you guys?  Puppybowl was way better.


Dijon Beer Bread

If you ain't doin' shots get the fuck up out da club

Ok, so a friend of mine bought some beer when she was here… at Christmas time.  We’ve had this beer in our fridge… since Christmas time.  Its shameful that we didn’t drink this beer.  I don’t know who we are anymore.  Anyway, I’ve been obsessed with beer recipes lately to try to use it up since we clearly aren’t drinking it.  I made beer and bacon mac and cheese a few weekends ago (seriously, do it, it will change your life) and my hunger for beer-based foods was fueled and cannot be stopped.

If any of you out there are women, then I’m sure that you’ve been invited to a bunch of stupid parties – candle parties, purse parties, costume jewelry parties, sexy lingerie parties that you go to with your grandmother and then she wins a zebra print thong as a door prize and giggles.  And of course, Tastefully Simple parties.  Which are probably my favorite parties because of all the dips.  Girls love dips.  And what goes amazingly well with the Garlic Garlic dip?  The mother effing delicious beer bread.

Anyway, did you know that making beer bread is hella easy?  There is seriously like… AN ingredient in it.  Inspired by that mac and cheese, I added some mustard and created delicious delicious bread.  I stare at it with pride on a daily basis.  Like as much pride as the dude who created Edward Scissorhands when he looked at Edward Scissorhands.

3 cups self rising flour

12 oz (1 bottle) beer

2tbsp dijon mustard

1tsp black pepper

1 tbsp onion powder

1 tbsp dried minced onion

Stir all ingredients in a bowl until just combined.  The dough will be thick like whoa, so prepare yourself for that.  I let my dough rise for about 5 minutes because I like looking at risen bread because its kind of like a science experiment. Then I mashed it down and threw it in a pam-sprayed loaf pan.  Bake at 375 for 45minutes until a toothpick inserted in the middle comes out clean.  What you get is a perfectly deliciously seasoned thick loaf of beer bread.

It would seriously be perfect to eat with spinach artichoke dip. Unfortunately my boyfriend loves the bread so much that its basically all gone and is not worth investing in spinach artichoke ingredients.  All dip and no bread makes Desiree a dull girl…